Today I beat my own personal record for consecutive days alive. That's right, ever since I was born I've never once stopped being alive, unlike some people, I guess I'm just really good at it. I've been trying to keep alive for a while now and so far so good. Since this whole staying alive thing has been working out for me, and i seem to be pretty good at it, I'll probably keep it up for a while longer. I'm just a natural at being alive, I'm not trying to brag really. Sometimes people will ask "Hey Chris, how is it that your always so alive? What's your secret?"

I just reply "I dunno, I was just born with this awesome skill of being alive. Sometimes I even surprise myself."

I'm sure there are others out there that are also good at being consecutively alive for days on end. If you're one of them and you've got a secret tip on how you do it, let me know!